Being Sick and other Vulnerabilities

Mood: Can I eat that when I know it’s going to come out a liquid?

Currently Reading: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr

I have seen every episode of “Where Are You Scooby Doo” probably 20 times (the 1963 Hanna-Barbera version of course). The retro theme song brings me back to my childhood when I watched the show with my dad. I remember sitting on the couch with my father eating pistachios and we would flick channels to see if it was on. I liked the mystery theme to the show and I never knew who the bad guy was (I now realize that I probably should have figured it out, haha). I didn’t watch many cartoons but Scooby Doo was my favorite show. This was a regular occurrence because I was too afraid to watch it by myself, I needed him with me. He would crack the pistachios open and give them to me and he would laugh at Scooby and Shaggy’s antics. He would do the voices of the monsters and the characters and then it wasn’t so scary anymore. My point is that I watch the show to this day (I pay 4.99 a month just for this childhood comfort, thank you amazon prime, haha). I remember some of the lines and I sing the theme song, it always makes me smile and feel better.

 

I was sick today with that flu thing… you know the one everybody gets, and inevitably shares with me. I don’t care where you live somebody is carrying it…. watch out, lol.  Viral gastroenteritis is its official name and its awful. Being sick makes me feel unproductive and tired, but I have a hard time giving myself a break. I feel as though if my time is not being spent doing something that is going to better myself, then its time wasted. I am hard on myself for being lazy, because after the lazy day I feel guilty and useless because I didn’t accomplish anything the day before. This is just the way I am and I accept that and I really don’t like when people tell me to “just relax” and “it’s okay to be sick”. I hate the feeling of “I can’t do anything today due to my inability to keep my shit to myself……. literally”. I am that person who never calls out of work because I’d rather deal with the sickness and keep my pride rather than have everybody ask me “How are you feeling” for the next 3 days. I don’t like to be vulnerable, it actually makes me angry.  Now I completely realize that my going to work when I knew I was sick makes me one of those people who could possibly spread whatever disgusting little bug is living in my gut. Its counterproductive in every way to do this and I know that. So today I watch Scooby Doo and read and do whatever makes me happy and try not to feel guilty about it. I don’t tell myself to go to the gym or judge my choice of leggings and my Nickelodeon t-shirt as an acceptable outfit, I will make a to-do list for tomorrow and take a bath. I don’t know whether I am telling myself or asking myself not to judge my day but I’m working on it. 🙂

 

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